Procrastinet

Introducing...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:28:00 -0400

…Diesel Tolan!

So there I was, walking home from the theater at 2:30am ~~last night~~ this morning, and there are two young ladies and a little boy peering in the front window of our Vet’s office. They stopped me to ask if I knew where they could find a 24-hour vet where they could leave a tiny kitten they had found on the street.

Our family has, over the last couple years, dropped from four cats (crazy cat people!) to just one little old lady, Shanghai. The boys had started agitating for kittens, but I refused to go looking. “We’ll see what shows up in our path,” I had said.

Fate took me literally, I guess. So I took the cat.

According to the vet, after a hasty visit this morning: he’s about four weeks old, FL/FIV negative, 14.4 ozs, and adorable (that’s a medical diagnosis, by the way). He’s easygoing but don’t push him - he twisted his tiny little body around and came after the vet tech who held him down while the vet took blood. Mind you, he’s smaller than a guinea pig: here’s another photo for size context.

Max has recently been reading a book at school called Amazing Stories of Survival Cats or some such, and he loves the story of the cat who rode for 24 hours on the bottom of a freight train, who was later christened Diesel. Hence the name, which I agreed to even when I though little Deez was a girl. (Don’t worry little guy, size ain’t everything).

Welcome to the family, Young Deezy. Stay sweet, get better at eating, and behave yourself, you hear?

Guest Post: Getting to Number One by Robert Tolan

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 12:35:00 -0400

The Newsweek article (Aug. 23 & 30, 2010) ranking the USA as number 11 among the “100 Best Countries in the World” got me thinking: How can we do better? How can we reclaim the number one ranking which made us the envy of the world? What has led us to this sad decline in our image? And what can we do about it? Is the answer Downsizing? Outsourcing? Trying harder? Getting-over-and/or-on-with-it? Finding a different advisory board to make the selections?

No, no, no, no and no. The answer is—hold for it—Consolidation!

We the people of the United States are divided into 50 semi-autonomous political units, mostly called states, but with a few commonwealths scattered about—and a smattering of territories plus one district and a handful of Indian Reservations—acquired back when we were number one. This plethora of political subdivisions, in addition to making a map of our country look like the creation of a demented quilt-maker, requires 50 state capitols, bi-cameral legislatures, judicial establishments and God knows what else—which means hundreds of thousands of politicians, bureaucrats, political, judicial, civil appointees, and… well, you can see where I’m going here.

The answer is consolidation.

I am proposing, modestly, transforming our fifty states into just sixteen (there’s really not much we can do about the territories), plus our national capitol (more about that later). Think of it: only 16 governors, 32 U.S. Senators, a greatly reduced number of Representatives at the national and state levels, billions of dollars of savings; the benefits go on and on! (Of course, there is the problem of those hundreds of thousands of government functionaries being thrown into the job market without any marketable skills; but the solution to that will make a great project for those public servants remaining employed.)

And sure, there’s the issue of identity but, as a native Missourian, I have to ask you to show me the real difference between an Ohio “Buckeye” and an Indiana “Hoosier.” Are folks living in the state of Washington that much different from Oregonians? Vermonters from New Hampshire-ites? Alabamians from Mississippians? No, no, no, and no.

So let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we? How do we consolidate 50 states into just sixteen? Here’s my plan:

Washegon (Washington and Oregon)
Calvada (California and Nevada)
Wyomonho (Wyoming, Montana, Idaho)
New Colzontah (New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona, Utah)
Texahoma (Texas, Oklahoma)
Kanbraskiomis (Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Missouri)
Dakotasota (The Dakotas, Minnesota)
Michconsin (Michigan, Wisconsin)
Ilianahio (Illinois, Indiana, Ohio)
Louisiarkasippi (Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi)
Tennetucky (Tennessee, Kentucky)
Flogeorbama (Florida, Georgia, Alabama)
Virginilina (Virginia, West Virginia, The Carolinas)
Penjerdeland (Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland)
New England—my mom always thought that was the name of a state, so this one’s for you, Mom—(Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, plus New York (except for the Borough of Manhattan—I’ll explain in a minute), and finally
Hawaskasinotories (Hawaii, Alaska, Indian Reservations, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, etc.)

And, replacing Washington, D. C. as the nation’s capitol (a brief, but stirring, drum roll please): MANHATTAN ISLAND, to be known as DOBA (District of Big Apple)! Already headquarters for the United Nations—whose proximity we can exploit in the accomplishment of our mission—DOBA, as the new capitol of the USA (Unified States of America), will be ideally positioned to deploy all its public relations, marketing, financial, political, educational and cultural resources in restoring us to our former prominence.

Freed of the toxic influence of lobbyists, who will be required to remain in the former District of Columbia (which might be a good choice as the new capital of Penjerdeland or Virginilina), and will be forbidden to operate in DOBA, our political leaders will be free to do the people’s work in an atmosphere or ethical, financial and moral purity.

OK, there will be some bumps in the road. All progress requires adjustments in attitudes, loyalties; re-thinking of major sports franchises; choice of new capital cities, state nicknames, mottos, flowers, and road sign shapes; taxation will be a huge issue; statistical rankings (will Calvada be the most populous?); the list goes on and on. But we Americans, undiminished by the loss of 34 states, embracing our new amalgamation, undaunted by the many tough decisions and choices confronting us, and clinging fiercely to our AK47s, will once again lay claim to our rightful and proper role as THE NUMBER ONE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. Or not.

Click here for a slideshow of pictures from the Nightmares Fear...

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:14:00 -0400

Click here for a slideshow of pictures from the Nightmares Fear Factory - visitors captured at the height of terror. I looked at all 30 pictures, with tears of laughter streaming down my face. Amazing.

Via the perennially-excellent Ross Maxwell.

Pretend Time

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 20:53:57 -0400

Charlie just now:

I’m pretending the dolphin is going into the Gowanus Canal in the bath.

Brooklyn represent!

Because it did so well as the top image on Procrastinet 1.0 for...

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 11:46:29 -0400

Because it did so well as the top image on Procrastinet 1.0 for so long: RAWR.

Welcome to the new Procrastinet!

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:30:33 -0400

It had been over a year since there was any new content on Procrastinet. Video killed the radio star, and Facebook killed the oversharing Dadblog.

When my web host decided to call it quits, it was time to let the old site go.

Here then is the new, minimal Procrastinet. I’ll be updating the links (now on the left!) over the next couple weeks, since that’s mostly what I was using the blog for anyway, and hopefully I’ll have some pictures and videos to share soon.

DSC_7616 on Flickr.The boys having a contemplative moment on the...

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:28:00 -0400

DSC_7616 on Flickr.

The boys having a contemplative moment on the porch of a lighthouse, North Shore of Long Island.