Procrastinet

My Apologies In Advance

For those of you who are prone to such things (and who haven't already seen it on Kottke or Good Experience Games), I offer my heartfelt apologies for the sheer volume of time you're about to lose.

With that said, may I present to you: Desktop Tower Defense.

Click here to begin the madness. I'd suggest playing "Easy" mode and just figuring it out, but there's a Quick Start guide now (which wasn't there a few weeks ago when I got hooked) if you want to jump to the head of the class.

Jason Kottke calls it "heroin-like," and he's not lyin'.

If you get through the game on "Normal" or "Hard" mode, you can upload your score to a group - I've made a group under the name "procrastinet," so please upload and let me see how your addiction is progressing.

It Takes All Kinds

Since becoming more active on Flickr, I've gotten re-addicted to the "Flickr Daily Zeitgeist" that I put on the sidebar here a while ago. You play like this: wait until an interesting-looking thumbnail comes up (interesting person, interesting place, seems to contain unfathomable weirdness), click on it, and then page through the person's pictures. It's an interesting peep into the lives of people all over the world - some are making art, some are just posting snapshots of their lives.

Today, a thumbnail came up that was so incomprehensible that it made me go "what in the SAM JEEBUS is going on THERE?!" And thus, I happened upon the work of "Darkseid." Darkseid has a speciality: gay footworship. No, let me make that more specific: gay *underwater* footworship.

In his underwater men photoset, he's posted dozens of photos of attractive young men trampling on other attractive young men, underwater. Hilariously, the front page of the photoset offers this enticement: "you can do THIS contact me!!!"

There. I was disturbed, and now you're disturbed. Just had to share.

But what I'm most struck by, beyond the sheer width and breadth of things people are into in this weird, wide world, is what an obviously fantastic time everyone involved is having. These guys just clearly love this.

It's a strange world, and it takes all kinds to make it.

I Am Still 12

Thank you, gods of the Internet, for providing the BOUNCE-O-METER. Now you can waste time online - with BOOBS!

Via BoingBoing - a British sports bra manufacturer has created an online breast simulator, to show how well their products can restrain those bad boys. You choose cup size and level of activity, and then you can see an animated front- or side-view of them all a-jostle!

Like this [slightly NSFW]:

small

medium

GINORMOUS.

I am vaguely ashamed to admit how amusing I find this. I keep guffawing out loud.

Ladies, I provide this as an educational resource so that you can understand how much better you could be supported while you exercise. Enjoy.

Happy Xmas! (A Puzzle)

Happiest of Holidays to everyone!

For those still stuck in the office, despite the best efforts of the transit union to keep us home, the above "miniGROW" link is a puzzle - you have to click on the picture icons around the Christmas tree in the right order, which you have to figure out by watching what they do and how long it takes them to do it. There are three more on the site: Grow, Grow RPG and Grow Cube. They're AMAZING.

Today I'm pissing away the day playing weird puzzle games because I stayed out drinking far too late last night (this morning) to distract myself from the fact that Lisa and Max are already in North Carolina with my folks, and Max has been sick for three days and had to go to the emergency room last night to get a chest x-ray to see if he had pneumonia, which he probably does. And I'm up here, no good to anybody. *Sigh*

So, with that side dish of maudlin steaming away, enjoy the puzzles - click on the links on the left of the screen after you've done this puzzle for more.

A Morning Ill Spent

Doom Funnel Chasers ate my morning. And all I have to show for it is this screenshot proving that I held, briefly, the 15th best score of the day:

Which, now that I think about it, makes me really happy.

Time-B-Gone

First of all, let me point out how odd it is that, until now, a blog called "Procrastinet" has had no category for posts about online time-wasters. Huh. Well: fixed.

POINT (A) Alien Loves Predator. Online photo/photoshop based comic featuring an Alien action figure named Abe and a Predator action figure named Preston, who live in NYC. Got the tip from dear reader J. last week, and when I next looked up it was 2 hours later and I'd read the whole archive.

The comic you'll see when you click through above is not going to make much sense - I suggest hitting "archive" and starting at the beginning. Absolutely unspeakably brilliant.

POINT (B) The. Best. List. Of. Online. Games. Ever.

One of the links is to all the Infocom games, in java form. ZORK, for god's sake, ZORK! I just played a 1/2 hour of ZORK today!

"Mouse Avoider 2" and "Tontie" are great. Actually, "Tontie" is better than great.

You're welcome.

And sorry.

UPDATE:

POINT (C): Via the indispensible Screenhead, a video mashup of Fox News. Words cannot express. It'll only kill two minutes- until you watch it again. And again. Check it out. "Fox means nipple clamps!"

UPDATE UPDATE:

ALL YOUR TIME ARE BELONG TO SAMAROST 2!

Orbitz Makes With The Procrastinetty Marketing

Orbitz.com, already my favored online travel search engine (although, now that their format has been copied by everyone else, it's pretty much a toss-up again), has launched the "Orbitz Games," where you play charming little online time-wasters for fun and prizes.

Specifically, if you register (not a problem for me, as Orbitz already has all my info) and play the daily Featured Game, you're entered to win a daily Vegas Vacation giveaway, and for the Grand Prize of 12 round trip vacations for two in one year. (Who would actually have the time to go away every month, I have no idea...)

Today's featured game is "Island Hop," where you have to bounce a small blue penis from island to island.

Yes, a small blue penis. I'm not sure *why* Orbitz decided that a little blue dong was the best possible character for this game, but there he is:

He climbs on a teeter totter and, depending on the angle and force you choose via mouse click, is launched into the air. At the moment of launch he looks, if anything, even MORE like a schlong than he looks here. Let me see if I can get a screen capture...

Ha ha, yes, there he is. A little blue meat-and-two-veg with hands and feet floating along behind:

If you poke around in the rest of the arcade, there are a plethora of time-wasting goodies. I predict Twin C will find himself out of a job before Wednesday of next week.

Enjoy the marketing goodness!