Procrastinet

The Nor'Easter of Aught Seven

filed under: Demolishments and Renewvations

So yes, as long time readers of Procrastinet will no doubt have already guessed, our basement did in fact flood this weekend under New York's record rainfall. Which provided the answer to several questions I didn't want answers to, to wit:

1) Wet/Dry ShopVacs can, in fact, run for uninterrupted stretches of 18 or more hours.

2) If "a pint weighs a pound the world around," a full 10-gallon ShopVac weighs upwards of 80 pounds.

3) Time it takes for a wife and toddler to make it to Lowe's and back with a second ShopVac when it becomes clear that the influx of water will soon exceed the capacity of the first ShopVac to remove it - :39. Nice work, hon.

4) Time it took for the influx of water to exceed the capacity of the ShopVac to remove it - :29.

5) Losing tactical ground to the water that is entering your basement, even for ten minutes, is stressful.

6) In a rainstorm of historical proportions, a Brooklyn building's basement can take on over a gallon per minute, filling a 10-gallon ShopVac every ten minutes.

7) The distance from the main point of leakage to the toilet is approximately 15 paces.

8) Carrying an 80 pound ShopVac fifteen paces to the toilet every ten minutes, overnight, is an excellent workout.

9) Vacuuming all night produces strange cognitive effects, like: talking to oneself at 4:00 am; addressing the water directly as if it were a cunning but respected enemy (think Civil War, when all the generals on each side had been at West Point together); the naming of ones "troops" (large and small ShopVacs) by strange monikers such as "Bitsy" or "Junior" (the small one) and "Champ" or "Old Rough'n'Ready" (the big one).

10) The constant white noise of two ShopVacs running uninterrupted for 18+ hours causes auditory hallucinations, creating the impression that someone is always calling your name and because of the noise you can just barely not hear it.

11) Looking up at 5:30am to see that what you had taken for an auditory hallucination is actually your 3-year-old son coming downstairs, of his own accord, to check on you and give you a hug and a kiss is awfully, awfully nice.

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

filed under: Hey, What's The Big Idea

Kurt Vonnegut died today, at the age of 84. Cory Doctorow at BoingBoing says it best, when he says:

Oh, shit.

Three of my favorite books of all time are Vonnegut books. Cat's Cradle was one of two books I actually read start to finish that were assigned to me in high school (sorry about that, Mr. McDowell, Mom, Dad) and it blew my mind.

Those of you who don't read will remember Vonnegut from his appearance opposite Rodney Dangerfield in "Back To School" (brilliant).

RIP.

[Image ganked from BoingBoing who ganked it from wikipedia, and I also ganked the term "ganked," which has now been used so many times in this sentence as to lose all meaning. Poo-tee-wheet?]

UPDATE: I'm stealing all of my Vonnegut tributes from BoingBoing, but so it goes. They've posted the Bokononist Last Rites, and I'm going to break down and do the same because it has put a lump in my throat that isn't going to go away otherwise:

God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, "Sit up!"
"See all I've made," said God, "the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars."

And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.
I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God.

My Apologies In Advance

filed under: Procrastinetion

For those of you who are prone to such things (and who haven't already seen it on Kottke or Good Experience Games), I offer my heartfelt apologies for the sheer volume of time you're about to lose.

With that said, may I present to you: Desktop Tower Defense.

Click here to begin the madness. I'd suggest playing "Easy" mode and just figuring it out, but there's a Quick Start guide now (which wasn't there a few weeks ago when I got hooked) if you want to jump to the head of the class.

Jason Kottke calls it "heroin-like," and he's not lyin'.

If you get through the game on "Normal" or "Hard" mode, you can upload your score to a group - I've made a group under the name "procrastinet," so please upload and let me see how your addiction is progressing.

Knock Knock! Who's There? SURREALISM!

filed under: Dadditudes

Max is taking a keen interest in this whole humor thing, though when it comes to structured jokes he doesn't quite have it down yet. At Passover he was regaling the guests with knock knock jokes, and rather than stick to the two he knows, he was doing a little improv. It went a little something like this:

Max: Knockknock!

Bemused Guest: Who's there?

Max: ... ... Cranberries...

BG: ...Cranberries who?

Max: ...Cranberries... don't look at my green! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

BG: ...?

Parents: ??

Max: KNOCKNOCK!

BG: Who's... there?

Max: ... ... ... ... pumpkin...

BG: Pumpkin who?

Max: ... pumpkin... ...pumpkin look at my white! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

We're starting to have to seriously consider the possibility that he's out of his mind.