March 07, 2005
Get My Agent on the Line
filed under: Stuff to laugh atFor some reason, after a 32-year disinclination to do so, my brain decided to up and start writing standup this morning.
My wife and I just renewed our vows. Yeah, we got married again. Thanks, yeah, but no, don't clap. It's a bit awkward. It was a shotgun thing. Our parents are so ashamed.So now I've got to get a job. I used to have something really good, something stable, that I could count on. Yeah. I was in theatre. But like an idiot, I walked away from it. It was suffocating me. I needed something that fed my soul.
There are some jobs I just can't imagine ever doing. The cost of screwing them up is too high. Because you know you've got those mornings where your head's just not in it, right? You're still half asleep, you're just not thinking straight.
Like, I'm a legal secretary, and the other day I'm totally out of it, I look around and I'm faxing my paper towel, pouring coffee in my boss's plant and my dick's in the shredder. And I'm like "whoa, where the hell AM I?" you know.
But imagine you have a morning like that and you're an air traffic controller. And you're like "whoa, where the hell AM I?"
When I screw up at work most everybody forgets pretty quickly. Plane crashes people remember for a long time. They're like popes - give a name, a number, everybody knows who you're talking about.
No matter how bad I screw up at work, I'm pretty sure ten years from now some college kid on the other side of the country isn't going to be trying to figure out how old he was when it happened.
And then that other kid can chime in, the one who always has to top everybody, and he'd be like "Oh, youwannaknowabout the Johnson file? Yeah well my cousin's sister's ex-boyfriend's gym teacher's nephew totally died on that shit, man..."
Zank you, I'll be here all ze veek...
Posted by rjt at March 7, 2005 10:16 AM