Procrastinet

Who Is That With Jeremy

filed under: Idle Chatter

There's an old joke:

A man walks into an Irish pub. He walks up to the bartender and says "Bartender," he says, "are ye a sportin' man?"

The bartender says "I like a wager now and again..."

The man says "My name is Pat. I'll wager ye 100 quid that you can name anyone in the world and I know 'em."

"You're on" says the bartender. "Queen Elizabeth."

"Lizzie?" says Pat, incredulous. "Why sure I know Lizzie, we go way back. Hang on, let me make a call." And he dials Buckingham Palace. "Hello," he says, "this is Pat. Who is this, Trevor? Aye, Trevor, how are ye, I need to talk to Lizzie. Aye, I'll wait." After a moment, he says "Hello Lizzie! It's Pat! Look, Liz, there's someone here I need you to speak to..." and he hands the phone to the bartender.

After a moment the bartender, looking pale, says "Y-yes, your Majesty. Thank you, ma'am," and hangs up the phone.

Pat looks at the bartender kindly. "I tell ye what," he says, "I'll go you double or nothin'."

"Okay," says the bartender, "I'll wager ye don't know... Madonna."

"Madge?!" cries Pat. "Oh, me and Madge go way back. Hand me the phone." And he calls, and gets Madonna on the phone, and hands the phone to the bartender, who looks pale again.

"One more time," says Pat.

"Ye don't know the Pope!" cries the bartender, getting desparate.

"Old JP?" cries Pat. "I know old JP - but it'll be tricky, because he's preparin' for a public mass and he don't take phone calls. Well, I can get us tickets from my friend at the airline, so let's go."

Next thing the bartender knows, he's in Vatican City, where Pat walks up to a guard, gives him a big hug, and is ushered inside. "Wait here," cries Pat, "and watch that balcony."

So the mass begins, and Pat comes out on the balcony with the Pope. He scans the crowd for the bartender. He sees the bartender faint dead away and fall under the feet of the crowd. Pat rushes down from the balcony to the bartender's side, and revives him.

"I could take it when you knew the Queen," says the bartender, coming around. "I could take it when you knew Madonna, and the guards, and everyone at the airlines."

"So what happened?" says Pat.

"I'm standin' here, lookin' up at you and the Pope," says the bartender, "and the guy next to me says 'Hey! Who's that up there with Pat?!"

In that spirit, I offer you: Who Is That With Jeremy, an astonishingly wide array of celebrities posing with a baby named Jeremy (who is now more of a kid than a baby, but still). It's more fun than it should be, seeing how people from Bill Clinton to Tiki Barber deal with having a strange baby thrust into their arms. Some handle it with great aplomb. Some, like Kirsten Dunst below, do not.

Thanks to roving reporter Peanuthead for the shoutout on this one.

Posted by rjt at October 7, 2004 10:40 AM